What a difficult chapter this is for me; the Discipline of Submission.
By nature a perfectionist and critical of others' imperfections; by birth an eldest child used to taking charge and being independent; by profession a teacher used to instructing others; by heritage a person who is stubborn and unyielding.
I struggle with this chapter as I am all the things above and yet I am also the person that Foster describes who tries to avoid any sort of conflict and tries to please everyone. I am the person who avoids giving her opinion until everyone else has said their part, so I do not cause 'ripples' with what I say - or, if I do, I can present my opinion in a way so as to cause least disruption to the group.
This inner tension costs me endless energy.
Foster outlines seven practical areas in which we can learn to be submissive:
- To God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit
- To the Scriptures as the Word of God
- To our families
- To our neighbours and colleagues
- To our church family
- To the 'broken and despised' people of the world
- To our world, the environment and the generations to come
- When do I stop being a 'doormat' and stand up for myself?
- When do I stop being a 'people pleaser' and say what I really think?
- When do I accept the words of Christian leaders and when do I follow my own path?
- When do I put the other person first and when do I put myself first?
- When someone causes me pain, should I put their needs first and go on accepting the pain or break off the relationship to protect myself?
Coming from a church tradition where 'putting others first' is solemnly taught on a regular basis, and having seen the damaged individuals that this can produce, I am in a fog about where the truth lies.
In the study group is a person who says that this discipline is a key thread through his life. In his dealings with others, his subconcious thought is one of 'how do I best serve the other in this situation?' He explained it so simply and yet it is also a deep mystery as to how this happens in such a healthy way.
Since Friday, I have allowed the words from the chapter some room in my thoughts. In the stillness before God, I am slowly coming to realise that, although I struggle with this discipline, it is there in my life. I would tentatively suggest that the loving Father has been gently opening my eyes and showing me some simple examples:
- I come home exhausted at the end of a busy day and the neighbour (aged 8) turns up at the door asking me to help with homework. When I say ''come in", then I am putting his needs before my own. When I say "just 30 minutes today", then I am setting a healthy boundary for myself.
- A friend tells me that she is moving abroad to live. When I congratulate her and join in her celebration even though I know that I will miss her companionship then I am putting her interests above my own. When I tell her later that I will miss her then I am being true to my own emotions.
- I have two weeks holiday from work. When I use these weeks to go to Romania and help the education project in the shanty town of Iasi, then I am putting the needs of others before my own. When I choose to stay in a comfortable hotel during these weeks then I am balancing the submissive act with a restorative one.
As someone else in the group said: Walk this journey "centimetre by centimetre".